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Who to Choose?

Posted on Dec 27, 2011 - 01:00 PM | Wedding Planning | Comments (1)

By Katherine Schober


Two tickets, two sodas, a large popcorn later, and I’m out $40 before the movie has even begun. This is why I don’t usually see movies in theaters. I regrettably inform my readers that I am one of those “wait-till-it’s-out-on-DVD-or-Netflix” kinds of gals.


This Christmas weekend, I became the proud owner of several movies that I have wanted to see for months now. Among these titles was the summer comedy Bridesmaids. Although I laughed along light-heartedly with my family, this movie got me thinking seriously, and thus has become the topic up for discussion this week.


I come from a very large family. My mom is one of ten kids, and some of her siblings have ten kids who then have their own kids. The number of cousins I have continues to grow. For someone like me, with a big family and great groups of girlfriends from all stages of life, how do you decide whom to ask to be your bridesmaid? I can’t answer this question for you, or even myself. I’m hoping I’ll know the answer by the time I need to. But one thing I do know; not everyone can be a bridesmaid, nor should everyone be.


When my older sister got married five years ago, she asked me to be her maid of honor. At the time, I didn’t realize what an honor this actually was. I was young, selfish, immature; the list could go on but I’d rather get back to the point. I wasn’t as present as I should have been. I was there, but I mean I wasn’t soaking in the experience. While she tried on dresses, I texted my boyfriend. While she asked for opinions on venues, my only preference was an open bar. Looking back, I’m truly embarrassed I was not a better maid of honor, and worse, a better sister. This was such an important moment in my sister’s life, and I totally blew it.


Now, I spend my time trying to make it up to her by being an involved aunt to her beautiful son and working harder on our relationship. Although I could’ve done a lot of things differently, I learned a valuable lesson. Weddings are special and when planning your own wedding, you want everyone around you to be positive and supportive. This is why choosing the right people for the wedding party is such a monumental decision.


In Bridesmaids, each bridesmaid has their own unique quality they bring to the group. I think this is important. Most likely your friends to choose from are similar or have things in common, but it’s not a bad idea to have a balanced group and pick from different friend circles. Not for comedic affect, but for variety in opinion, personality, and support. Decide on a few characteristics you want in your bridal party, but don’t pick a bridesmaid based on her organizational skills. If your friend can’t show up on time to save her life, that doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t want her next to you on the big day. Just make sure your expectations for your bridesmaids are made clear from the beginning. You may want to have your younger brother or sister as your honorary bridesmaid or groomsman, but take in to account their age. It might be appropriate to include them in the wedding party, but not give them a responsibility they can’t handle.


At the end of the day, picking bridesmaids is bound to leave someone feeling left out. There is no easy way to decide, and since you can’t include everyone as a bridesmaid, get creative with ways to make sure good pals aren’t left out. Ask a talented friend to sing, play the piano, or give a speech. There are so many parts to a wedding and chances are you are planning every single one of them. So put in a little extra effort if you are concerned about hurting some feelings and I’m sure you will find an appropriate place for everyone.


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Comments (1)

1. I think this is great advice! It's stressful trying to decide, but there are other ways to involve friends and family!
    Comment By Julie Forth - Dec 29, 2011 11:44 AM

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